Shalom everyone,
39 years ago today, at a time when I was floundering desperately in matters of religion, when I didn’t know what to believe any more or where to turn to, I had a direct, living experience of God, which radically altered the direction of my life; it put me where I am today. I’ll talk about it more next year, at the 40th anniversary of my conversion, but this year, I want to focus on what it resulted in, and what it changed in me.
When I was a Christian, I regret to say I had no spiritual humility at all. I was a completely different person as a Christian. I was everything I speak against now, I was everything about religion that repulses me now. I thought I knew everything there was to know about my faith, that I could immediately answer every question, and that my faith was unshakeable.
Then over the course of ten years, I learnt many new things and experienced many things in life that broke my previous faith, and made me question everything. I reached a stage where I didn’t know what to believe any more.
During my encounter with God, I was given such a powerful experience of the powerful love and compassion of YHVH, that it felt like God was downloading a completely new understanding and approach to religion itself. I realised just how much I didn’t know. I finally knew what it was like to tremble in humble and reverent awe before the living Presence of God.
Who converted me to Yahwism? YHVH did. I would not be where I am today, teaching what I teach, writing what I write, if I had not been humbled by that experience of our living God. It was so indescribably and powerfully real, that I no longer doubt God’s existence. When I was a Christian, I had doubts that God was even there – I regularly felt that what I was doing wasn’t leading me anywhere.
I did everything that Christians told me to do in order to experience ‘Jesus Christ’, like accepting ‘Christ’ as my lord and saviour in my heart. I really, really tried, but nothing came. Looking back on it all now, it was like trying to have a relationship with a void. It was just empty words on a page, like vacant words spoken by voices teaching me to worship idols. When I prayed to ‘Jesus’, there was nothing there; but when I prayed directly to God, I always felt a presence trying to reach me.
YHVH converted me. YHVH saved me. YHVH reached out and plucked me into the light. YHVH spoke like the God of the Hebrew Bible, the God I was created to know.
I was made to realise how little I knew; I developed a hunger to know YHVH, so I asked YHVH to teach me – the things I now teach you freely, without seeking payment. My most fervent wish is that you all might also have similar experiences of YHVH, because it is so much greater and more wonderful than anything any human being can possibly imagine or describe.
Blessed be YHVH our Saviour and Redeemer!
Your brother in faith
Shmuliq