I’m taking this opportunity to talk about some of my personal experiences, and hopefully, you will be encouraged to draw something meaningful from them for yourself.
I recall someone I worked with in London in the early 2000’s. She was a young girl in her late teens, and she had some difficulty not only with saying my name, but also in remembering my name. After giving up, she would just address me as ‘Hey you”, or “Whatsyername”. Admittedly it was uncomfortable at first, but I kept my peace and put up with it for the few months that she was with us; I understood it wasn’t really her fault.
I didn’t recall this episode until just yesterday, when a friend asked me about the names of angels. You may not know this, but in the Yahwist Israelite tradition, angels do not have names – any names they do have, have only been given by human beings. In Judges 13:17-18, we learn that the real names of angels are too fantastic and incredible to be known by mere mortals. The practical result of this is that we are unable to dwell on the characters or personalities of angels, because our spiritual relationship and divine focus should be on YHVH; not giving names to the angels helps prevent us focussing on angels.
One last thing I want to mention before I go into why I’m saying all this, is that one of the worst curses you could inflict on another person in ancient Israelite culture, was to cause everyone to forget their name – the exclamation, ‘May your name be blotted out!” was considered an extremely rude and offensive thing to say to anyone, because it was such a horrific thought to ancient Israelites. To have everyone forget your name once you are gone, and not remember anything about who you were or what you did, was considered one of the worst tragedies that could ever befall a human being.
This is the cultural reason behind why we were commanded to blot out the name of Amalek, because of the sins they committed against the most vulnerable of the travelling Israelites – the sins of Amalek were deserving of this fate.
And yet we are expected to blot out and not remember the Name of the Holy One! What sin has God committed to deserve this? What crime has God perpetrated against us, that loving God’s Holiness should become a scandalous offence?
Now, one thing that people new to the Massorite Talmidi community notice, is that we use the Holy Name privately amongst ourselves. We use it in personal prayer, and when we are amongst those who we know will not misuse the Holy Name. When I am speaking to people I don’t know, I prefer to use the ancient Israelite titles of ‘Adonai’ or ‘the Holy One’, rather than the rabbinic ‘Hashem’ (which just means, ‘the name’).
I remember an anecdote about a little boy who was asked, “How do you know that someone loves you?” His answer was, “Because your name is safe in their mouth!” If you are someone who regularly uses foul language, then you should never use God’s Name, because God’s Name would never be safe in your mouth. The Holy Name should only be used by those who respect it, who realise and acknowledge its great power.
There are many people in the mainstream who are offended and scandalised by our use and love of the Holy Name, but I want to tell you about something wondrous that has happened to me, as a consequence of using God’s Name in personal prayer (that is, metaphorically by stopping calling God whatsyername, and begin calling God by the sacred and powerful Name God expressly asked us to use, Ex 3:15b – “the name by which I am to be remembered from generation to generation”).
When I was a Christian, all the focus was on ‘Jesus Christ’. As a result, anything I personally experienced of God was as a side-lined, diminished, emasculated figure lurking somewhere deep in the shadows, as if God was being fenced off somewhere in a distant place I shouldn’t access. There were times when I would feel the presence of this God – especially when I was hurt and in emotional pain – but it was almost as if I wasn’t allowed to know this nameless God. I had this constant sense that God was sad about something, but while I was a Christian, I didn’t know what it was; the figure of ‘Jesus’ was still too big and too central for me to be able to experience the God I now know. As a Christian, the name of ‘Jesus’ was everything; in contrast, the name of God was nothing. I now know why God was so painfully sad at that time.
Then I had what I call a conversion experience in 1987, which resulted in me becoming a committed Talmidi. During that experience – which took place while I was fully awake – I heard God speaking to me, and as part of that experience, God identified God’s Self as ‘Yahveh’ It was an experience that closed off that chapter of my life as a Christian, and began my life as a Talmidi.
Knowing and speaking God’s Name in prayer has enabled me to have a real, living and profoundly emotional relationship with YHVH. The Holy Name has become loaded with positive and powerful emotions, so that when I speak God’s Name in prayer, it immediately uplifts me. While I was a Christian, I realise I was only relating to a human being called ‘Jesus’, but now that I had the Name of a living Entity to call upon, the presence of YHVH became more real and powerful.
When I was a Christian, I was told that there was no name more powerful than ‘Jesus’, and that every knee should bend to him, but this is what YHVH says:
Turn to Me and be saved,
all the ends of the earth!
For I alone am God, and there is no other.
By Myself I have sworn;
from My mouth has gone forth in righteousness
a message that shall not return:
“To Me every knee shall bend,
every tongue shall confess.”
Only in [the name of] YHVH shall it be said of Me,
are righteousness and strength. (Isa 45:22-24a)
Through the prophet Isaiah (42:8), God says,
I am YHVH; that is My Name; I will not give My glory to any other [name], nor My praise to idols.”
Moreover, God is saddened by the rejection of God’s Name:
[Your] rulers howl, says YHVH, and continually all day long, My Name is despised!” (Isa 52:5)
Even Gentiles are encouraged to LOVE the Name of YHVH:
And foreigners who bind themselves to YHVH to serve God, to love the Name of YHVH, and to worship God, all who keep the Sabbath without desecrating it and who hold fast to My Covenant – these I will bring to My holy mountain, and give them joy in My house of prayer. (Isa 56:6-7a)
Using God’s Holy Name in prayer has made God more real to me, a God with real feelings and real emotions. It is a powerful Name which strengthens me and comforts me when I use it. It is also a Name which humbles me as I gaze up in trembling wonder, and makes me realise the infinite greatness and awesome splendour of YHVH in the Universe!
Since 1987, my entire focus as a Talmidi has been on cultivating a personal, living relationship with YHVH – and this endeavour has been greatly aided by using the living Name of YHVH. When I am down, I need only turn to YHVH in prayer or meditation, and I experience this washing over of the strength and power of YHVH’s love; when I am in a state of confusion or quandary, I experience the living Presence of YHVH fill me with surety and perfect clarity; when I lack understanding, it is YHVH who grants me understanding; and when I am upset, YHVH’s Presence comforts me, more powerfully than any human being ever could or would.
There is absolutely no comparison between my experience of God as a Christian, and my experience of God as a Talmidi – God is no longer just a theological statement or a theoretical belief, but an awesome reality. There is no comparison between my living experience of God before knowing and using God’s Name, and afterwards. That is why it is my most fervent wish and my dearest hope that all Talmidis will be able to share this same, wonderful experience of YHVH, this powerful experience of God as a real, living Being, with real feelings and emotions.
Just as you reach out and touch a friend, so too your soul can reach out and touch YHVH by using God’s sacred Name in prayer. You too can experience the Living Presence of YHVH even more powerfully than one would the living presence of a very close human friend and confidant – I personally feel it even more strongly than one would the emotional presence of a human friend. I experience YHVH’s embrace more deeply and more movingly than any physical human embrace; I NEVER once felt that as a Christian.
Just as you would experience the emotions that a close friend is feeling, so too I experience the powerful emotions of God, even during times when those emotions are different to my own – such as when I am happy, sometimes I will feel a sadness from God about things that are happening in the world, or sometimes when I am sad, I will feel a sense of great and unexpected love from YHVH. You too can learn to feel that by living God’s Name!
It is therefore my dearest wish that all Talmidis will one day come to experience the living Presence of a real and powerful YHVH, who loves and comforts us, teaches us and strengthens us. And I would say that part of that journey towards knowing YHVH, and making God more real in your heart, is to use the Name of Your eternal Friend whenever you converse with God. You will come to know God just as the ancient sages, prophets and holy ones did – it’s not just a thing of the past, God is in the present and future too!
Comparing my experience before and after, it was like leaving a cold house in winter, to immediately enter the warmth of the outside world on a summer’s day; or like being pulled out of a dungeon to sudden and complete freedom, or being released from loneliness to being immersed in total and perfect love.
I hope that one day – if you don’t already – that you will know and experience the Living Presence of Yahveh in a real and meaningful manner, so that whenever you use the Holy Name in prayer, it empowers you and emboldens you!
Blessed be the Holy and Wondrous Name of YHVH!
your brother in service and humility
Shmuliq