Why I wrote this article
There has been a growing reaction in recent years against the virtues of kindness, generosity and empathy. This reaction has arisen largely because these virtues have sometimes been misapplied, misused or exploited – whether by those who habitually excuse wrongdoing out of a misplaced sense of compassion, or by those who encourage endless dependence rather than personal responsibility, or because some people manipulate the goodwill of others for their own advantage. In response, some groups have concluded that kindness itself is a weakness, that generosity merely invites exploitation, or that empathy inevitably leads to moral compromise, and a loss of moral compass.
Such conclusions, however, abandon virtues that lie at the very heart of the Way of YHVH. When your mindset lies at the far poles of a political or religious extreme, there is no solution to the impasse. In contrast, the mindset and outlook that YHVH teaches us, is able to balance the needs of our faith and of the real world, without compromising our values.
The answer is not to reject kindness because it has been abused, but to recover the wisdom that the Miqra and the Prophet Yeshua always placed alongside it. This article therefore seeks to examine how Followers of the Way can remain steadfastly compassionate and generous without becoming naïve, or enabling wrongdoing, or neglecting their own responsibilities, or allowing themselves to be exploited. In doing so, we will see that true kindness is neither weakness nor feeble sentimentality, but a strength governed by justice, discernment and covenant faithfulness.
Kindness as Strength
One of the defining characteristics of the Way is its reverence of the principle of kindness. A Talmidi should be known as someone who is compassionate towards the weak, generous towards those in need, patient with those who struggle, and merciful towards those who repent. Throughout the Miqra, kindness is presented as one of the noblest qualities that a human being can cultivate, because it reflects the character of YHVH whom we serve. Likewise, the Prophet Yeshua consistently called his followers to become people whose actions were motivated by mercy rather than selfishness, and by generosity rather than greed.
How Kindness has become misunderstood and abused
Yet kindness has often been misunderstood. Some people imagine that kindness means never saying no. Others believe that generosity requires endless self-sacrifice until the giver has nothing left. Still others think empathy demands excusing wrongdoing, because one feels sorry for those who commit the wrongdoing. None of these conclusions are supported by either the Miqra or by the teachings of Yeshua.
The Way does not teach sentimental compassion as being completely detached from wisdom and common sense. Neither does it teach harshness disguised as strength. Instead, it teaches compassionate wisdom – a form of kindness which is guided by wise discernment, a sense of justice, responsibility, and an allegiance to God’s Truth.
The Miqra repeatedly joins mercy and justice together, rather than setting them against each other, as some extreme political groups do. Through the prophet Micah we read:
“God has told you, O mortal human, what is good; and what does YHVH require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8)
Notice that justice comes before kindness. The two belong together. Justice without kindness becomes cruelty. Kindness without justice becomes indulgence. Religious people on the extremes choose one or the other; a righteous servant of YHVH acknowledges both, and seeks to practise both.
Kindness Does Not Mean Neglecting Your Own Responsibilities
Many people believe that the more they give away, the more righteous they become. Yet the Miqra consistently teaches that every individual has responsibilities which cannot be neglected as someone who lives the life of a Follower of YHVH.
A person has obligations towards their spouse, their children, their parents, their household, and their work. These responsibilities are themselves acts of obedience and service towards God.
Imagine a farmer who spends every day helping neighbouring farms. Everyone praises his generosity. Whenever someone asks for help, he immediately leaves his own fields unattended. As the weeks pass by, his crops fail. His livestock become neglected. Eventually his own family faces hunger and starvation.
Has this man been righteous? On the surface he appears extraordinarily generous. Yet he has abandoned the very people whom God entrusted into his care. His generosity has become irresponsible. He has shown compassion, but he has shown no wisdom.
Proverbs repeatedly praises diligence and warns against neglect:
“Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider her ways and be wise.” (Proverbs 6:6)
The principle is broader than agriculture and hard work. Every person has work entrusted to them by God. Neglecting one’s own responsibilities in order to continually solve everyone else’s problems is not faithfulness. It is a failure of the stewardship that God has entrusted into our care.
Yeshua himself recognised this principle. Although crowds constantly sought him out, he himself frequently withdrew to lonely places to pray (Lk 5:16). He did not heal every single sick person in Judea and the Galilee. He did not remain indefinitely in every town to ensure everyone was put right. When the disciples wished him to stay because everyone was looking for him, he replied:
“Let us go elsewhere, into the neighbouring towns, so that I may proclaim the message there also; for that is why I came.” (Mk 1:38)
His compassion was immense, there is no denying it, yet it was governed by purpose. He refused to allow the endless demands of others to dictate his calling. We too ourselves, as Followers of the Way, as upholders of the Message of YHVH, have our calling and purpose. We are called to exercise compassion with wisdom and common sense.
Giving Should Never Lead to Self-Destruction
The Miqra repeatedly commands generosity:
“Open your hand to your brother, to the needy, and to the poor in your land.” (Dt 15:11)
This is not optional. A hard-hearted society cannot reflect God’s righteousness or goodness. Yet the command is to open one’s hand – not to cut it off. The commandment assumes that the generous giver continues to possess the means to give. It does not command a person to impoverish themselves until they too require charity.
If continual giving leaves one’s own household hungry, then generosity has ceased to be exercised with wisdom. One cannot continually draw water and provide others with drink from an empty well. The purpose of generosity is to relieve suffering, not merely to transfer it from one household to another.
There are indeed occasions when extraordinary sacrifice is called for. During famine, persecution or disaster, righteous people may willingly suffer in order to preserve the lives of others. Such acts are truly honourable, because they are freely chosen and proportionate to the crisis. What is not righteous is allowing manipulative people to consume everything one possesses through endless demands.
Now, Yeshua taught:
“Give to everyone who asks of you.” (Lk 6:30)
Like many of Yeshua’s sayings, this is an ethical principle rather than a strict legal formulation. It is an extreme hyperbole meant to challenge selfishness and greed. It cannot reasonably mean that a person must continue giving and giving until their own children starve to death, because that would violate the broader obligations taught throughout the Scriptures. We have to take in the Message of God as a whole, and exercise our duties towards God and other human beings sensibly.
Yeshua frequently used deliberately striking language to expose hard-hearted attitudes. His concern was that his hearers should become generous people rather than calculating misers. Generosity must always remain joined hand-in-hand with wisdom.
Those Who Receive Also Bear Covenant Responsibilities
The Covenant places moral obligations upon the poor as well as upon the wealthy. The poor are never portrayed as morally exempt simply because they are poor. The Miqra repeatedly condemns theft, fraud, laziness and deception, regardless of economic status. Likewise, those receiving help are expected to act honourably. They should receive assistance with gratitude rather than cold entitlement.
Someone in need of assistance should not deceive; they should not exploit compassion; they should not become permanently dependent if they reach a stage where they become capable of supporting themselves.
The gleaning laws provide an excellent example. Landowners were commanded not to harvest every corner of their fields. Speaking of fallen ears of grain, or forgotten sheaves:
“You shall leave them for the poor and for the foreigner.” (Leviticus 19:10)
Notice what this law does not do. It does not require the farmer to fully harvest the crop, transport it, prepare it, and deliver it to every needy household. Instead, the poor themselves gathered the fallen or forgotten grain. Compassion was combined with dignity. Help was provided without removing personal responsibility.
This remains an excellent model today. Whenever possible, assistance should enable people to regain independence, rather than encouraging permanent dependence.
Reciprocity Within Covenant Relationships
I remember an allegory told by a tour guide when I was visiting the Dead Sea in Israel, back in 2005. I’ve never forgotten it:
A person who receives and also gives is like the Sea of Galilee. Water flows into it, and water flows out of it. It is a living lake full of life, and it gives life to those who make their living from it. In contrast, the Dead Sea is a lake where water flows in, but no water flows out. As a result, the Dead Sea has no life; it has never had any life in it, and never will. So too is a person who receives, and gives nothing to others.
The covenant established by YHVH is founded upon mutual faithfulness rather than one-sided obligations. Throughout the Miqra, every relationship carries reciprocal responsibilities. Parents care for their children, while children honour their parents. Employers must treat workers justly, while workers are expected to labour honestly and not defraud or take advantage of their employers. Neighbours are commanded to love one another, but they are equally forbidden from deceiving, exploiting, or bearing grudges against one another. Covenant life is therefore sustained by mutual responsibility through covenant faithfulness, not by one party continually giving while another continually takes.
Yeshua’s ethical teaching follows the same pattern. One of his best-known sayings is, “In everything, do to others as you would have them do to you” (Mt 7:12). This is not merely an encouragement to be generous; it is an invitation to imagine ourselves in the position of the other person. The generous giver should ask, “How would I wish to be treated if I were in need?” Equally, the one receiving help should ask, “If our positions were reversed, how would I wish someone to receive my generosity?” Most people would not wish to be manipulated, taken for granted, walked over like a doormat, or repeatedly burdened by demands. The Golden Rule therefore restrains both selfishness in the giver, and manipulative exploitation by the receiver.
Likewise, Yeshua taught, “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Lk 6:38). While often understood in relation to generosity, the principle is broader. The standards we apply to others are the standards by which we ourselves should expect to be treated. Those who habitually take advantage of another person’s kindness should not expect lasting trust or continued generosity (“someone who is trustworthy in a little can be trusted with much”). A covenant community flourishes when generosity is met with gratitude, kindness with respect, and mercy with a sincere desire to walk uprightly with God.
This principle also protects those who are naturally compassionate, and helps them to flourish, so that the wider community of Followers can also flourish. A Talmidi should never feel guilty for expecting honesty or personal responsibility from those whom they help. Such expectations are not signs of selfishness; they are signs of healthy, functioning, covenant relationships. Genuine love seeks the good of both the giver and the receiver alike. It does not allow one person to flourish by steadily diminishing another, until they have been bled dry.
When mutual responsibility is honoured, generosity strengthens relationships and binds communities together. When reciprocity is abandoned, generosity gradually becomes exploitation, compassion descends into resentment, and both the giver and the receiver are harmed. The Way of YHVH’s Divine Compassion therefore calls us to cultivate communities in which every person seeks not only to receive kindness, but also to return kindness whenever they are able to, so that we may all bear one another’s burdens without any individual being crushed beneath them.
Charity Should Restore Independence
The highest forms of generosity strengthen people. The weakest forms of charity merely sustain dependency.
Suppose a neighbour repeatedly asks for money because he never manages his finances responsibly. Continually giving him cash may ease today’s difficulty, but it does nothing to solve tomorrow’s crises.
A wiser response might involve helping him establish a budget, find employment, repair his home, or learn practical skills. The immediate gift relieves today’s pain. The practical assistance may change the entire course of his life. Charity doesn’t always have to be given in the form of money – you can give of your time, your knowledge, or your skills.
The goal of compassion is restoration to full functionality. The Miqra consistently encourages people to become productive members of society rather than permanent recipients of support. Therefore, helping someone to stand on their own two feet is often kinder than continually carrying them.
Compassion Must Never Excuse Evil
Empathy is one of God’s gifts. It allows us to understand another person’s suffering. It softens harsh judgement. It moves us to relieve distress. However, empathy is not intended to replace moral judgement.
One may understand why a thief stole, without concluding that theft is acceptable. One may understand how abuse produced anger, without approving violence. One may grieve for those drawn into destructive ideologies, without endorsing the terrible evil they commit. I fear that certain political ideologies forget this principle.
Throughout the Miqra, prophets often explain why nations became corrupt. They speak of oppression, pride, greed, fear and idolatry. Yet explaining sin never becomes excusing sin.
Yeshua himself demonstrated remarkable compassion towards sinners. He ate with tax collectors. He welcomed social outcasts. He forgave those who repented. Yet he never declared wickedness to be righteousness. To the woman caught in adultery he showed mercy, but concluded:
“Go, and from now on sin no more.” (John 8:11)
Mercy does not abolish moral responsibility. Compassion without truth becomes moral confusion, and a loss of moral compass. Truth without compassion becomes condemnation.
The Way of YHVH requires both.
Kindness Does Not Require Trusting Everyone or becoming Naïve
As Followers of the Way, we are taught to be noble and kind; we are not expected to become naïve or weak:
“I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves, so be as cunning as serpents and as innocent as doves” (Mt 10:16).
One of the greatest misunderstandings about kindness is the belief that compassionate people must trust everyone equally. The Miqra teaches precisely the opposite. Proverbs repeatedly urges discernment:
“The prudent person sees danger and hides himself, but the simple person carries on regardless and suffers for it.” (Proverbs 22:3)
Wisdom observes and takes note of other people’s character. It notices patterns. It distinguishes between those who have stumbled, and those who habitually exploit others.
Yeshua likewise warned:
“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits.” (Mt 7:15–16)
Notice that he instructs his disciples to evaluate people by their actions over time. Kindness does not require abandoning discernment. It requires using discernment so that kindness reaches those who genuinely need it.
Setting Boundaries Is Not Selfishness
If a good parent knows how to set boundaries for their children, how much more so must a generous person know to do the same. A good parent knows when to say no. Boundaries will help a child to learn what is acceptable and what is not acceptable; so too the person in need who is tempted to become overly dependent on others.
There are people who continually demand more, so that every favour becomes expected. Every gift becomes insufficient. Every act of generosity becomes an invitation for another request. Such people may consume another person’s time, money, energy and emotional strength indefinitely if no boundaries are established.
In such circumstances, the Way of YHVH does not require surrendering oneself to endless exploitation. Sometimes the most loving and compassionate response to someone who is regularly taking advantage of your kindness is a gentle but firm “No.”
A refusal may prevent another person’s nascent greed from growing. It may protect one’s own family. It may preserve resources for those in genuine need.
Even God sets boundaries. Blessings are offered. Commands are given. Consequences follow persistent rebellion. If God’s own Self governs generosity with justice, human beings who serve YHVH should do likewise. The religion of someone who follows the Way, should endeavour to reflect the wisdom of YHVH’s personality in their daily religion. A boundary is not an act of unkindness; it is often an act of wisdom.
Guarding Against a Kind Person being Manipulated
Some individuals deliberately seek out generous people because generous people are easier to exploit. They appeal to guilt. They exaggerate emergencies. They promise repayment they never intend to make. They continually redefine what they “need.” The compassionate person must therefore learn to distinguish genuine need from sociopathic manipulation.
This requires observation rather than impulse. Questions rather than assumptions. Patterns rather than isolated incidents. Kindness should never become naïve – Yeshua himself did not expect us to. The righteous person should be willing to investigate before giving substantial assistance.
This is not suspicion. It is wise stewardship of God’s gifts. The resources entrusted to us belong ultimately to God. We are responsible to God for using them wisely.
Strength and Gentleness Belong Together
Many people mistake gentleness for weakness. The Miqra never does. Moses is described as very humble. Yet he confronted Pharaoh. Nathan respectfully rebuked King David. Elijah challenged Ahab. Jeremiah spoke against kings and priests despite persecution. Their gentleness never prevented courage.
Yeshua himself embodies this balance. He welcomed children. He healed the suffering. He wept over Jerusalem. Yet he publicly denounced hypocrisy. He drove traders from the Temple precincts. He refused to alter his message simply because powerful people opposed him. His kindness arose from strength rather than weakness.
True gentleness is controlled strength – an upright nobility directed by righteousness.
A Community of Mutual Responsibility
The covenant was never intended to produce isolated acts of generosity. It was intended to create and nurture communities in which everyone accepted responsibility – communities where the strong supported the weak, and the weak respected the noble sacrifices of the strong; communities where the prosperous remembered times of hardship, and those receiving help sought to regain independence.
No one is meant to exploit another. No one is meant to abandon another. Such mutual responsibility preserves both compassion and justice.
When only one side fulfils its obligations, resentment eventually grows. But when both giver and receiver act honourably, generosity strengthens the whole community.
Walking the Narrow Path
Followers of the Way should never abandon kindness simply because some people abuse it – a growing sentiment among those who have taken note that kindness and empathy are being abused. Their solution is to stop being empathetic and kind. This is not the Talmidi solution; it is not the Yahwist solution – it is not God’s Way.
Neither should Talmidis abandon the practice of wisdom because kindness by itself feels sufficiently noble enough. The Miqra and the teachings of Yeshua consistently call us to something deeper than either harshness or naïve generosity.
We are called to love without becoming gullible or exploitable; to give without becoming irresponsible or reckless; to show mercy without excusing evil, or turning a blind eye to wrongdoing. We are expected by God to protect the vulnerable without neglecting our own households; to help the needy and destitute to rise, rather than encouraging permanent dependence.
This is neither softness nor severity. It is covenant faithfulness. Kindness is strongest when joined to wisdom. Generosity is most fruitful when guided by wise stewardship of God’s resources.
Empathy is safest when anchored in truth and wisdom. God expects us to judge actions fairly, without losing compassion for those who suffer, or sight of God’s ultimate goal – of creating a society where everyone can flourish, where everyone “will eat from their own vine and their own fig tree, and drink water from their own cistern” (Isa 36:16, 2Kgs 18:31), and where “all shall sit under their own vines and under their own fig trees, and no one shall make them afraid” (Mic 4:4). This is YHVH’s ultimate plan, and ultimate promise.
In this way, a faithful Talmidi can remain compassionate without becoming exploitable, merciful without becoming permissive, and generous without abandoning the responsibilities that God has entrusted to us. Such a person reflects both the justice and the loving-kindness of YHVH, walking steadily in the Way that Yeshua taught.